Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I want her autograph on my taint
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
