i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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