I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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