Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
