Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
