How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
