my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
