Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
