a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
