Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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