can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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