Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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