she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
