I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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