When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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