There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
