He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
