he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
