I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
