And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
