i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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