Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
