Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
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FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
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I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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