forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize