Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
it's like iHOP with fire
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
