Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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