My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
