ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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