If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
