I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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