Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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