4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
