Don't you send me to vm
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
