have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
