i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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