So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
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She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
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his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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