I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Randomize
