If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
