just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
