Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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