I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
