I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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