and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Randomize
