His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
