she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
organizing the empties. That sober.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Randomize
