i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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