i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
