i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
operation have a gay friend backfired
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
