I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
