I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
