Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
