did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
