Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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