oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I will pee on everything he values.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I am available for nakedness
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
