this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
