Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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