Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
