You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
