Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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