Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
