I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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