Who wears a wallet chain?!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
