I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
