she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
