Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I faked an abortion last night.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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