I love black thongs
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
