The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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