All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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