you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
