She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
