watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
