So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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