When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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