I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
