You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I am midnight drunk by noon
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
